Don't forget to enjoy your stay and leave me a tag ;D
See see!! Just like I said. .... I just spent 10 min looking for a picture of the bubble tea pearls but I couldn't find one... =D everyone has to go out and buy a bubble tea bring a bubble home come back to my blog hold the bubble pearl up to the frog egg picture and compare the two. Understood?? Good.Written Tuesday Night-
I said before that I wasn’t going to shy away from the less positive and more personal aspects of my personality and self, so today I’ll talk about some of them. I think most people when they look at me assume I’m vain and shallow. -.- I can’t exactly blame people for assuming that … I do put a bit to much effort into the way I look. Vanity… there are many different reasons why a person comes off as vain.
Some were born beautiful and can’t help but show of because they’ve grown up hearing how good looking they are and well ….now they have massive egos. Others try to make them selves beautiful because they want to be complimented or recognized. And some… some just have some serious image issues. Then there are those who do it for reasons that are so easy to explain.
Probably at this point your asking yourself “Hmm so why is Juulia so vain? Reason A,B,C, or D?” You tell me because I don’t know! What I do know is that it’s not option A. I was not born “beautiful”. Don’t get me wrong! I wasn’t born deformed or ugly either and as a baby I was actually pretty cute. But after my cuteness period I went through a time where I was … well not “a good looking chid”
You probably think I’m exaggerating. -.- If only.. I literally was not an “attractive” kid ... not unattractive ... but not likely to win any beauty pageants either. Aka I was plain. It didn’t bother me of course, and it probably wouldn’t have bothered me at all xept.. well Iida didn’t have the same problem as me. -.-
I didn’t mind that either. I knew even when I was that little that we weren’t the same person so I couldn’t compare myself to her. But … people we’re very discrete about the difference they saw between us. People would literally ignore me as they complimented her. It was how insensitive people were that I couldn’t deal with.
Adults should have more common sense. -.- But sometimes they strike me as some of the most stupid people on the planet. Children do understand certain things and it was when I was around 8 ( I didn't post any pics of back then but ... er yeah I couldnt bring myself too -.- Lets just say that at 10 I was a beauty queen compared to 8) that I realized the reason people liked Iida more than me was because … she was prettier than me. A light bulb moment you could say I guess. This sounds like a poor me story right now but don’t worry this isn’t for pity points or anything … I’m writing this because it’s a part of who I am as a person. It’s also a time of my life that’s in the past. I’m not ashamed of it, I’ m not angry over it, and I defiantly don’t sit in corner and weep over it. I just accept it having occurred and move on with my life.
I never told anyone what I had begun to think … I’m not sure why. Maybe I assumed that since it was something I could do nothing about, it wasn’t worth bothering people with. As a result I ended up locking away a lot of feelings … especially the feeling of sadness. When someone made a comment about how I looked… I’d get stone faced and lock the sadness away. Eventually it would catch up with me of course ... but I figured so long as I didn’t show I was hurt… people would eventually stop comparing the two of us to each other.
It was stupid of me to think that of course … people never stop comparing you to other people. Eventually I came to terms with my looks, partially due to the fact that me and Iida (with whom I’d had a two sided sibling rivalry with… many reasons for this and since the involved Iida as well I won’t go into them) were finally able to put everything behind us and I found a friend in her instead of the enemy she’d been before. And as luck would have it, I ended up growing better looking when I hit puberty.
So now you can scroll back up and see if I’m reason B,C, or D. Maybe this gives you a better picture of what I’m like as a person … maybe it just really scares you! Idk lol at least now you guys know I really don’t have a problem putting my weaknesses out there on display. Why? Because its not a weakness. Instead knowing I made it through it gives me strength … strange as that sounds.
Alright all this soul bearing has made me very tired. Anyone who’s reading this don’t think I have some major image issues -.- I really don’t. I wanted to share with you all how I’ve become the person I am. This is many years in the past. Lol there is no need to worry about me. =) Just read it and maybe understand me a bit better. Yeah? -.- I’ve posted some pictures of the young me and Iida as well. Just so you guys can see what I what exactly I looked like. -.- I’m not saying I was ugly!! Just that I had to deal with a lot of criticism about the way I looked and a lot of comparison between me and Iida.. People were often overly harsh about their comment on the way I looked … and it was always the adults. They probably thought that being so young I wouldn’t understand what they were saying … Alright Night =)
Iida looks pretty young here so she was probably 3 making me 5. (Note- Iida perms her hair now but back then the curls were natural) At this age we both still looked cute.
Me age 10 or 11. As you can see I wasn't ugly ... but I didn't look like as cute as Iida and people pointed it out to me a lot.
Iida at 8. As you can see she was very pretty little girl.
Me at 13. Puberty was a good time for me. Sadly I got a lot of misconceptions at this age due to people suddenly wanting to be my friend. I thought maybe it was due to my better looks. -.- That only helped fuel my idea that the better you look the more people will like you.
Me at age 13 and a half. Aha! Yes! I finally got better looking!
0_0 take a look at my hair thats some chunky highlights ... This was taken about 4 years ago. Making me 14 (I had my bday right before) at the time. Iida was 12 turing 13. We were going to a formal dance or something. -.- And my mom wanted to take this pic before we left.
And finally me at 15, Iida at 13, Jan at 10 and my Dad at... No idea how old.
Written Monday Night-
People (mainly kw and xb) keep questioning my claim that my blog posts are the longest… ever. C has also made allegations that his blog ( which only has 3 repeat 3 posts) is better then mine. -.- So to prove all of them wrong I’ve dragged my comp into my bed and plan to write until they admit defeat.
No pictures just words that’s my motto for today! Hmm.. the hardest part about writing this long of a post is how to keep it interesting.. and at the same time write enough that I win. Kw has already told me I’m not allowed to write my life story -.- (despite it being very interesting.. to at least some ppl) and in order for him to not say my post is invalid.. I’ll do as he asks.
Instead I shall type what ever comes to my head, how it comes. It will be random it will, be grand and it will be fabulous … or at least I hope it will be. More likely it will be down right boring and no one will want to read it. But the point of this post isn’t to entertain, it’s to prove my self worthy of my self installed title!!
Iida’s tapping on her text book … really annoying..-.- … alright I asked her to stop. 0_0 How am I suppose to think interesting thoughts if all I hear is tapping? Hmm.. what exactly IS interesting … We always say something is interesting when its different.. but at the same time we don’t want to be “different” ourselves. Rather ironic.
We want to be entertained by interesting things and people and blend ourselves 0_0 Hmm.. pretty messed up. *sigh* This is actually a really boring thing to do … write down my thoughts………….I have no idea what to write/ think about.!
=D I’ll write about Nalle my stuffed polar bear. I’ve had him since day 1 ( since the day I was first born). He was probably the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes for the first time. Now.. hes old and worn but back then he was pure white and soft. I know because I saw a picture of him and me when we both looked brand new.
Now his fur is sort of worn looking, the velvet on his nose is bitten off, ( I liked to bite stuff as a kid) and his ear and tail are bald, but even at my age I still love him to bits. I guess its all those child hood memories I have with him … of hugging him when I was sick, taking him to the grocery store with me in the miniature pram my grandpa gave me ( and usually forgetting him there -.-) or having him there to dry my tears when I cried.
He’s never let me down… sounds funny to say that about a stuffed animal but its true. Now a days I don’t need him anymore of course… and I definitely don’t take him to the grocery store in a miniature pram @.@ but I can’t throw him away or put him in a box either. Why? Because… well it seems wrong. It’s like stuffing your best friend into a cardboard box! Or your parents! No… instead he gets to sit on my bed, a reminder that just like the two of us got through all the illness, tears, and separation in my younger days … I’ll be able to do the same now that we’re both much older.
Hahaha I can’t believe I just wrote an ode to my stuffed bear. Aww =D Nalle I love you! You’ll always have a part of my heart… no I’m not talking to my self… he’s sitting next to me as I write this -.- <-- everyone probably thinks I’m crazy now.
Yup... that’s enough about my bear…….Now I don’t know what to type about again!! …I wonder how many people will stop reading at this point afraid of what I’ll write next 0_0 hmm…
….When I was a baby I looked like a boy… I know that SEEMS random but there is a picture on my book self of me as a baby and I just realize I looked really.. well masculine -.- As in if you put me in guys clothes ppl would never have guess that I was born minus a few parts and was not in fact a boy.
0_0 hmm … well people have always told me I look like my dad ( yes that’s a great compliment to give to a girl -.- “you look just like your father dear”) so its possible I do have a more masculine face… hope not.. I mean I’m a girl! (Born minus the parts remember?) Iida on the other hand has always been told she looks like my mom… so I guess she must look pretty girly. -.- Ha well I can cross dress and work part time as a male host!! <-- 0_0 what?... like I said I’m writing down what ever I think… sometimes I think weird things…
Any who my lip balm is strawberry colored. o_o I bought it because I thought it would taste like straw berries and well -.- I have a tendency of accidentally tasting what ever is on my lips so I thought “Hmm well if I have to taste it.. Why not taste it in strawberry flavor!” And so I bought the “strawberry lip balm”
….its red =.= not like lipstick red but red enough to make me look like a clown of some sort if I wear it in public. Darn you lip balm ppl!! You falsely advertised!! There is absolutely no strawberry flavor in this! And strawberries are not this color! -.- Oh well.. what to do.. o_o its not like I don’t buy useless stuff all the time.. this is just something to add to the collection.
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Back =D I ran of to get a drink of water. *takes sip* ahh refreshing! Many people probably wonder why I’m so much more … strange online then in person. -.- I’m just a bit shy at firs.. once I really get to know someone I’m pretty much crazier then I am online.. well not crazier just not concerned in the bit about what that person thinks of me so I no longer keep my thoughts to my self… you can ask Iida. That poor thing has put up with me for all her life =D She’s a real trooper especially now that we share a room.
She calls it my immature side. 0_0 Possibly… I think its due to me having acted mature for so many years. It feels good to just let down my hair ( figuratively) and let loose.
No need to worry about impressing someone, or doing the right thing. No worries about making the right choice or messing up. Just letting it all go and having fun. Lol I wonder which one is the real me.. hmm.. I think both. I wouldn’t be able to function without both halves of my personality.
I wonder if kw, xb and c have admitted defeat yet… this is very long post. Approx 1,200 words at this point. That’s a lot of words people!! And c your not allowed to say anything about “the quality”. If you haven’t noticed by now most of my posts are only about the quantity. -.- I wish it wasn’t so.. but it is.
I wonder what it’s like to be a really popular blogger.. and have hundreds even thousands of people visit your blog everyday…=.= not likely to happen with my blog. But a girl can dream … and you never know maybe one day my face will appear on tv and in the news paper … im magazines.. on clothes… on…er cereal boxes. And I’ll be the worlds most famous blogger!! I’ll take over the world and declare myself Queen!! =D <-- yeah right *rolls eyes*
Hmm I think I’ll write for only a bit more and then call it quits… I can’t be expected to write all night long just to please a bunch of guys!! It doesn’t work that way!! I want to go to sleep and …. Oooh my bed is comfy 0_0 it was a bad idea to get all comfy in my bed to write this.. its making me feel very sleepy… maybe I should shut my eye for just a little while. No!! I must remain away!! I can’t admit defeat yet!
I have to write until there is nothing left to be said!!.. that could take a while.. I mean I can basically go on forever I think. I have so many stories and so forth stored up in my head. I can always just pull one of those out of the hat and type it up. =D SO hahahaha I WILL win in the end no matter what!! Even if I fall asleep I’ll just wake up and pick up where I left off! =D … I get hyper right before I fall asleep… -.- this means I’m about to crash soon.
I’ve come to realize that some people write about very personal stuff on their blogs. I don’t think I could do that.. its one of the reasons my blog will always appear rather well shallow. =.= I can’t bring myself to mention certain events and so forth or the way I feel about certain people. Why?? Because some thing are better kept in the privacy of my mind. Lol I don’t mind telling people about myself tough. Sharing my bad traits doesn’t bother me ... they are much a part oh who I am as the good ones. So expect me to share with you stories of things I wish I hadn’t done or had done better… No that wrong…
I don’t regret anything in life … things I’ve done and said.. have well be said and done. There is nothing I can do about it.. xept learn and become a better person because of having made the mistake. And having other people learn from them as well. But tonight I’m to tired to write about my flaws … I’m to tired for almost anything. I’ve been writing non stop (xept for the water break) for 40 minutes now. 0_0 That’s quite a long time.
Hmm well lets continue onto something exciting... ooh! I'm a roller coaster addict! =D I'm always afraid to ride the coaster... but after I've ridden it once I want to ride it again and again right after! and then again after that! I think the most times I've been on the same roller coaster was.. 5 or 6. 0_0 I guess that makes me an adrenalin junkie. I've always wanted to ride one of those rides that takes you up to the top of a needle and then drops you down... but since I usually go to amusement parks with my family and none of them want to ride it with me... =( I have yet to fulfill my dream. (btw the roller coaster has to have loops!!)
In Las Vegas they have this one roller coaster that spins you such a way that it feels the same way as if you were spinning in a fighter jet =D (c now probably wants to go to LV) -.- It's no fun to go there unless your 21... they don't even let under age ppl STEP off the little walk way that goes through the casinos! The hotels are quite something though ... but again the casino thing!! I don't mind them not letting kids gamble.. but they literally come and smack you back even if your toe is off. -.- =D oooh and you can go see a lot of shows in
And guys can go look at show girls. o_o But why you'd want to idk.. they look like birds!! ... yup thats right birds. Those head dresses weight a lot btw ( the TV told me so) round the same weight as a child. 0_0 ... so basically if you wear one of those its like you a kid sitting on your head... mhm. .thats what i thought too.
I want to see Jumper! I actually had Jumper the book in my hands maybe... 6 years ago. I even bought it. However... that is NOT a good book for an innocent 11 year old to read! I mean the guy almost gets molested on the 5th or so page!! I was so shocked... I think I hid the book... and haven't seen it since. But I'll never forget that day.. how my innocence was shattered. It was really my first wtf!? moment.. ( i knew bad words back then =.= at least some) What are those guys doing to him!? Of course later I realized Ohhh! They were going to rape him! ... but back then -.- I had nooo idea I was just freaked out.
Anyways even thought I'm to scared by the experience to pick up the book.. I do want to go see it in theaters. It may have something to do with the fact that Hayden Christensen is in it. 0_0 Don't get me wrong I don't idolize celebrities like some girls. My walls are poster free! But when Star Wars came out I had a bit of a thing for Anakin Skywalker -.- it's true. Obviously not the little kid version!! The Hayden Christensen version. =D He made evil look good.
Of course later when I watched the older Star Wars movies I keep thinking... "= ( if only Anakin hadn't been burned and deformed ... oh well! I'll just pretend its the younger Anakin under that mask! =D "
....wait! If they didn't cut the molestation scene out.. I'll have to watch Hayden/Anakin be the molester ed! -.- I think I'll be even more scared after that.
Right now im up to just a bit over 2,400 words… I think I need to reach 3,000 before I can assume I’ve won. Hmm what to write about next…
Btw kw.. I was just checking to see how many words you wrote and …. =D I’ve already written more than you!! Yay! Also forgetting your luggage is not funny. -.- I’ve done it before.. Here’s what happened.
It was when we went to the
First of the flight was made in this little airplane that looked like it was held together with some blue tack and tape. 0_0 I kid you not.. the inside of the plane was like falling apart!! Basically the whole flight I thought “This is the end..” and wished I’d packed less stuff in my bag so the plane wouldn’t weigh so much.
When we landed at the international airport in the
Wooho!! My excitement was revived when I stepped outside. We got into a cab that would take us to the hotel ( which was 45 minutes away) and I was finally able to relax. Ahh… this is the way a vacation should feel! I thought. When we reached the hotel we all clambered out of the taxi and into the reception area. The hotel was nice! Not as nice as the one we stayed in the first time we went to the
It was at this point that I realized something strange about my bag. Er -.- this is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit but… I had put some really heavy things into my bag … and they sort of made my luggage fall over ... toward the front of the bag. As I looked at my bag I realized Hey! It’s not tipping!! =D I was happy!! Yay! Its finally stable! No more funny looks from ppl! Then Oscar asked me for something that was in my luggage so I unzipped it just a little bit to get it out and 0_0 turns out it wasn’t MY bag!!
I’d left the airport with a stranger’s luggage. -.- On closer inspection the only resemblance the bag had to mine was that they were both black and big… -.- oh the horror!! My mom had to take a taxi back to the air port and back (45 min) to go exchange bags. -.- It was also on this trip that we missed our flight back and I forgot that there was a pen cap laying on my laptops keys and shut the lid… shattering the screen. -.- I also got sick and didn’t really get to go to the beach! So much for a fun filled vacation…
It’s a good thing I play the piano or my finger would be feeling the burn right now. Lol Ack! Falling asleep again!! Btw kw massages DO hurt! Well… maybe not all massages but at least the ones I’ve had. I don’t think I can write anymore tonight. -.- The sleep bug has bite me.. So I’ll go to sleep. Night night! ….
Since its past
Ack I’m so tired!! It’s been a really long day. First of I woke at the early hour of
By waking up at 7.30 I can sit at the dining table for 30 min drinking my usual 2 cups of coffee until I’m awake enough to take a shower and get dressed. 0_0 Yup… my logic is “Since I’m not a morning person…… I’ll wake up earlier then I have to.” Eh well it works… pretty well anyways. There have been times when even thought I’ve set my alarm clock and I’ve woken up on time… I fall asleep on my way to the kitchen to get my coffee. -.- Yup ... I have mad skills.
Anyways enough about that and onto the rest of my day. After puja we had the house visitings. First we went to Cob.’s house and Bel’s house. Cob. has the cutest dog XD we feed her bread which probably will make her sick later. Poor thing. So cute though XD. I also had a bit to much juice at Cob’s house and well.. had a sugar rush from it all hitting my blood stream.
At Bel’s had a nice lunch which included.. French fries =D Yum. We also watched a strange movie on TV called Sugar and Spice…. Strange…. Very strange… and very blonde. o_o
Then it was off to SBM for practice.. -_- Well for everyone xept me since obviously I can’t sing
Then after practice it was off to the CC for the actual performance. =.= lots of waiting
and looking at hot guys in Cleo (I think). =D And then it was over and it was suddenly time to go home… after some sort of strange chin up competition. ( between the guys... maybe it was some sort of ‘male bonding’ ritual… I was to tired to ask.) And then home to come onto my comp and type this long but only just scratching the surface report of my day. -.- Ack.. it’s probably still to early to go to bed.. but I’m just so darn tired!! …. My phone’s batt just died… =.=
-.- I'm doooooomed. I'm going to be stuck cleaning my room for the rest of the week at the pace I have right now!! As for Iida? She had the sense to make her way out of the room before it got this bad. Wish me luck!
Libras are very easy to like because of their charming ways. They are capable of making anyone feel interesting and important. They are great listeners, but they also expect you to listen to them in return. They have great observation skills and very good perception. They strive to bond with others and Libras are at their best when in personal relationships.
Because a Libra values beauty so much, they may sometimes become too focused on outward beauty and forget to look deeper into a person's full character.
Because they are so understanding of other's feelings, they may be seen as indecisive or unable to make up their minds. Any sign as blessed with charm as Libras are can always be seen as flirtatious.
Like Tigers with whom they are most compatible, Horse people can be a jumble of contradictions.
Cool but hot-blooded, hard-nosed but humble, impatient but extraordinarily tolerant, the Horse is above all defined by hard work and self-reliance.
Although Horses work well in groups, they prefer to work by themselves and exhibit extraordinary levels of energy and concentration. They are good with their hands, but can be seen happily losing themselves in accomplishing any given task.
In social settings, they are cheerful, charismatic and sometimes overly talkative as they clairvoyantly finish other's sentences in conversation. However, they are also often the first guest to depart, usually due to a feeling of becoming too "penned in". Conversely, Horses are happiest in large crowds in open spaces and enjoy the comradarie found in pressing the flesh at outdoor gatherings or concerts.
In romance, they have a tremendous need for intimacy and belonging. However, once domesticated they often feel pressured in fulfilling family obligations, as they remain at heart powerfully rebellious creatures who will not be made to feel cornered.
Travel is a favorite pasttime, and horses are known to race off to any far-flung destination at a moment's notice. I’m writing this because I want people to remember the real Ulden, the one I myself knew so many years ago. I remember his smile and his laugher, and how they had the ability to brighten even the darkest of my moods and bring a smile to my face. I remember that lopsided grin of his framed by a head of golden curls that gained him numerous nicknames. It’s hard to believe that the thoughtful and kind boy I grew up with would one day grow up to be the most feared man in Amion. That it would be the same boy who was ray of sunshine in my younger days that would later grow to cast a shadow over this land we both call home. In essence I’m writing this because to me the man that now calls him self Ulden is an impostor. The real Ulden died the day he walked away from me at Tritas fair ground. This letter is my last fair well to that boy, to the boy I choose to remember.
The actual events of what happened to change Ulden so dramatically are unknown, but having been so close to him in the earlier days, I don’t believe as many others do that he was destined to be bad from the start. I believe it was the situation he was thrown into and the people who he meet who corrupted his innocent mind bending it to their cause. Could it have been avoided? Yes, but none of us took the time to pull him back to safety from the cliffs edge he stood swaying upon. We merely watched from the side lines wishing him back, to afraid of what was happening and to young to understand the consequences of doing nothing. In away I blame my self for him falling.
It all started long before either Ulden or I were born. It stared with Ulden’s mother, Neia, a maid in the service of a wealthy and unmarried noble man by the name of Tofri. She was but a young girl when she began working in the large house hold, doing laundry and cleaning the vast rooms of the castle and she was but a young girl when she became pregnant with Tofri’s child. Only knowing what Ulden has told me of his past, I can not be sure if Neia consented to Tofri’s desires or not, but I do know that not long after she’d given birth she lost her job at the house and was thrown penny less onto the street, the bawling baby Ulden in her arms.
No one wants to hire a maid with a baby and Neia soon learned that. It wasn’t long before she no longer had money left to feed her self or her young child. Knowing she and her child would both perish if she didn’t do something she tearfully placed Ulden in an orphanage and giving him one last kiss one the check left him there. Although she’d told the matron of the orphanage that she’d be back to collect Ulden as soon as she could, Neia was never to return for him.
It was here in the orphanage many years later that I first meet Ulden. My grandmother, the woman who had taken care of me in my parent’s stead, had died and left me all alone. With my parents unwilling to take me in, I was brought to the orphanage. A shy girl of 14 I didn’t make friends easily, and the state of grief I was in didn’t seem to help the situation.
Ulden was the only one to approach me and wipe away my tears. I remember how as I sat underneath the big oak tree in the back of the orphanage alone, afraid, and abandoned, he came and wrapped his arms around me without so much of an introduction and told me it would be alright. For some reason, as soon as he said the words I knew he was right and that everything would be fine, that the pain I felt at being alone would fade in time and that tears would eventually dry. From that day on Ulden became my idol. In my eyes his 16 years made him worldly and wise beyond my wildest imagination and having grown up in the orphanage he was able secure for me an welcome from the other children unlike anything I had ever imagine possible for someone as shy as myself. I was drawn to the simple ness he seemed to embody. To the way he felt no reason to change himself to fit others expectations like I did or to change his views to fit theirs. I also felt admiration and at the same time jealousy for how despite everything he could still hang onto the hope that his mother would return for him.
I grew to love him over the 4 years I knew him first as a hero, then a friend, and eventually as a man, but I knew that his childish innocence would never allow him to love me back in the same way so I kept my feelings to my self content to just remain by his side. I think toward the end he realized I loved him, but by then he’d already started to spiral downwards. Sometimes I think that maybe the fact that he didn’t ask me spiral with him is a sign that he eventually learned to love me in return. I''ll admit to hoping so.