Date:
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Time: 5:48 PM
Read Only if You Dont Mind Rants
I'm starting to feel old. -.- This time next year I will be only a few months away from graduating. And then Aug 2009 I should be off to Uni. Scary thought. Even though in Singapore 18 isn't really considered the year you "enter adulthood", in Finland and in most of the Western world 18 is when you kiss your childhood good bye and have to turn around to face the adult world... well as adult world as Uni life is.
Your expected to have everything sorted out and decided. What your going to study, what your going to be, decisions that shape how the rest of your life will turn out. Oh the headache of trying to figure it all out! Maybe I'll wake up one morning and the light bulb will suddenly have come on. Lol Wishful thinking. Instead I'll have to research, take tests, take more tests, visit schools, look at courses until I feel ready to drop and then... pick. Pick something that I find most interesting ... of a piece of paper.
That's why I don't want to pick until I'm sure what I want and until I really know who I AM. And that's also the reason I probably won't be going to Uni when I originally planned. What I really want to do is travel. Visit beautiful and calm places and maybe eventually meet the person I myself want to be. Take a break from the 12 or so years I've been in school because I might never have the chance to again.
Clearing your head does wonders to your thinking. It's like cleaning out a old room and suddenly finding something you'd though you'd lost. You never lost it in actuality, it was just hidden under the piles of garbage. It was only because you thought it was lost and stopped looking, that it disappeared from sight. I believe its the same with our selves.
If we don't take the time to find out who we are, what we stand for, and where we are going when we are given the chance ... when will we? The answer is we won't. We'll let the garbage cover us until we're lost and forgotten. We'll walk through life confused and dazed. Living, but dead inside.
I think I apply this same kind of thinking to my practices as a Buddhist. I'm looking for peace and in peace my self. By calming the mind and quieting the voices, you go back to your "roots" to something more natural. I think its there that your inner self really lies, in the quiet of your mind. And that once you've found your self, the only obstacle that was stoping you from doing something great, your old self, has been removed and you as a person are finally able to live.
