Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Time: 10:48 PM

I've been told a lot of times that I'm to nice... a push over. -.- And its true. I have a serious issue with the word no ... it's not that I can't say it.. more that when faced with a situation where I should say no I usually say yes because I don't want to cause disappointment for the asking party. And obviously once I've agreed the need to not disappoint grabs me again and I feel compelled to do a good job.

The strange thing is the closer I feel to someone.. the easier it is for me to say no. It's people who I know ... but can't really claim as being close to me that I have a problems saying no too. I guess it's because I have a strong need for acceptance... and when I think someone has already accepted me I can relax and not worry about them being disappointed with the person I am. I don't feel a need to prove myself or put on a show of any kind. -.- My problem with no is in essence a manifestation of my biggest fear... that once people get to know me they won't like what I have to offer.

But this sort of degrading... compromising thinking has to end. So from this day onwards I'm terribly sorry -.- but I will no longer be a push over.